For a week or more, I knew something was coming. Something bad.
There were many signs. One, for instance, was this odd wave of melancholy. What? I’m not sad. Look how great my life is right now! I couldn’t reason out the signs, so I ignored them. Well, okay I didn’t ignore them, I just waited. I waited without taking any action. (Is that ignoring?)
Was I waiting for a more specific sign? A sign the made ‘sense’? A sign that it was going away? I don’t know. I just know that I knew this was coming, and I know I didn’t do anything about it.
I’m still learning what my intuition sounds like. The melody, tune, and timbre differ oh so much from my good friend Logic. Without enough confidence in my gut, my ability to follow through falters.
Last week, we were gifted some halibut, which fed us for a couple days, with the last of it going to the meows. Lure [the Insatiable] didn’t eat any of their halibut breakfast, and just as I realized I wasn’t feeling well, Mercury ralphed theirs. It looked completely undigested, and I immediately knew I would be up all night snuggling a large pot. Cats are excellent at recognizing & expelling toxins; they’re much more proficient at it than humans.
And I have the opposite of an iron stomach.
I spent the afternoon, evening, all night, and all the next morning crying, whining, moaning, and vomiting while trying to distract myself with movies and card games.
I found some peace around noon (meaning I was able to lie flat without pain) and managed to finally catch some Z’s. Three hours later, however, I was rudely awoken by every muscle in my body screaming from dehydration. Abby brought me back to life with a tasty, made-from-scratch veggie & lentil soup.
If I had taken more precautions by pulling my nose out of my studies to fortify my body, this might not have been a 4-day ordeal.
I am feeling better now and more solidly human. Drawing a card for strength in putting myself back together, I came face-to-face with the 8 of Wands.
I love the simplicity of this card; it’s very to-the-point: eight wands coming from above towards the ground/earth. I need bring all my little ideas & ambitions out of my abstract mindspace and into tangible reality.
Rather than one strong force, this card features eight separate bits all headed in the same direction. Breaking my projects & goals into digestible bits it’s actually a grand idea–both for slowly bringing my body back to life and for finally bringing my career plans to life.
This deck is often painfully direct with me, but here I think it’s being gentle. Instead telling me to pay attention to the earthy parts of my life with a Pentacle card, it’s validating my ambitions and offering a pathway to express them while still being kind to myself.
And I appreciate that.